What If It’s Not Your Thoughts Holding You Back… But Your Unseen Assumptions?

I was watching Temptation Island on Netflix recently—yes, that show—and one bonfire moment stopped me in my tracks.

Tayler, one of the women on the show, broke down crying and said through tears, “When people get to know me, they leave – everybody leaves me.”

It wasn’t for drama. It felt like a deep, honest unraveling—one of those rare moments on reality TV where someone tells the truth they’ve been carrying for years. And maybe you’ve never said those exact words, but I think most of us, at some point, have felt the sting of that sentence.
That quiet ache.
That belief that, no matter what you do, things eventually slip away.

Maybe it’s not that exact story, but the sentiment? It’s familiar. That quiet, persistent ache that lives beneath the surface:
“I’m always the one left behind.”
“It always falls apart.”
“Nothing ever really lasts.”

And the thing is, these aren’t just passing thoughts. They’re assumptions—subconscious beliefs we’ve picked up over time that quietly shape how we show up, what we expect, and what we allow ourselves to receive.

Even if you’re doing all the “right” things—journaling, healing, meditating, reframing—if these assumptions are still running the show in the background, they’ll keep pulling you into the same emotional loops.

So let’s pause and look at that together—not to judge or fix, but to notice. Because awareness is what opens the door to something new.

Because what Tayler said wasn’t just a feeling. It was an assumption—a belief woven so tightly into her experience that it had started to feel like fact.

And for many of us, that’s exactly what’s shaping our lives more than we realize.

The Invisible Role Assumptions Play in Our Lives

Let’s break this down.

An assumption is something you believe to be true—without necessarily questioning where it came from. Often, they’re built from past experiences, survival patterns, family conditioning, or cultural norms. They run quietly in the background like default settings in your brain.

And while some assumptions help us move through life safely and confidently… others limit us in subtle but powerful ways.

They tell us who we are (or aren’t), what we can have, and what’s possible.
They shape how we respond to opportunities, relationships, and even our own healing.

Some Common Assumptions That Keep Us Stuck

You might not even notice they’re there—until a moment of vulnerability, like Tayler’s, brings them to the surface. Here are a few that show up most often in the lives of people who are deeply self-aware but still feeling stuck:

• “I have to struggle to get what I want.”
  If it’s not hard, it doesn’t count. If it’s not exhausting, it’s not real. This assumption makes ease feel suspicious and joy feel unearned.
• “It’s too good to be true.”
  This one creates a glass ceiling. Even when good things happen, you brace for them to fall apart.
• “I need to prove I’m valuable.”
  You keep overextending—emotionally, creatively, professionally—hoping someone will finally see you, affirm you, choose you.
• “If I let my guard down, I’ll be blindsided.”
  You stay hypervigilant. Scanning for red flags, preparing for disappointment, trying to stay one step ahead of the pain.

These beliefs often live in our nervous systems, not just our minds. They become felt truths—and they influence how we react, relate, and protect ourselves.

What’s The Cost?

When your life is shaped by these quiet assumptions, you start to feel like no amount of healing, self-improvement, or effort is enough. Because no matter what you do… the underlying belief hasn’t changed.

You might be journaling, going to therapy, repeating affirmations—yet still wondering why you end up in the same emotional loops.

Here’s the thing:
When trapped emotions and unexamined assumptions work together, they keep pulling you back to familiar patterns. (If you haven’t read this post on trapped emotions, go check that out—it ties directly into this.)

Shifting Your Assumptions, Gently

You don’t have to bulldoze your entire belief system overnight. That’s not the goal.

This isn’t about “fixing” yourself. It’s about noticing—with curiosity—what’s operating behind the scenes. And then choosing, little by little, to rewrite the story.

Here’s a gentle way to begin:

1. Notice when an assumption shows up

Pause when something feels familiar in a draining or limiting way. Ask yourself:
“What am I assuming to be true here?”
Sometimes the question alone brings clarity.

2. Get curious about its origin

Where did this belief come from? Is it still serving you?
Was it based on something that happened once—or a pattern you’ve outgrown?

3. Try on a new lens

You don’t need to believe a new assumption 100% right away. Just try it on like a jacket.
Instead of “It’s too good to be true,” what if you explored:
“Good things are allowed to stay.”
“Maybe I don’t need to struggle for what I want.”

Let the new belief be soft and believable—not performative.

4. Repeat it with intention

Your assumptions weren’t built in a day. Neither is unlearning. Come back to the new one regularly. Let it take root.

A Quiet Invitation to Reclaim Your Power

This isn’t about toxic positivity or pretending you’re fine when you’re not.

It’s about honoring the assumptions you did need at one point—and asking if they still deserve to shape your future.

And if they don’t?

You have permission to release them.
To rewrite them.
To believe in something softer, truer, and more aligned.

Not because you have to…
but because you can.

Because the way you move through the world changes when your beliefs make space for ease, joy, trust—and yes, even love that stays.

So here’s your question for the week:
What’s one assumption you’re ready to question… and gently replace?

You don’t have to force an answer. Just sit with the question. Let it guide you inward.

That’s where the shift begins.